Category Archives: Life & Love

Mums the Word

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I am a woman made of superstition. If I were a sports fan, I’d be the person who doesn’t wash their team jersey for a season, or I might grow an obnoxious mustache. Anything to keep everything the same and the possibility open.

This time an opportunity presented itself and I didn’t dye my hair for three months, just in case. I waited. I stayed quiet and made myself available to the possibility of the answer. The noise of the lack of an answer has become overwhelming.

So in the most annoyingly vague way, that is the majority of the reason for my self-imposed hiatus. I’ve had photos, posts and recipes for a long time ready to share, but I felt it would break my peace or my chance at progression. I’m not very good at being quiet, so I’m done with all the nonsense.

Here’s a sneak peak at all the deliciousness I’ve been cooking up (with considerable help from Alora)!



Big Hugs!

 

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Happy New Year!!!!

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Alora keeps saying this new year is when the world will end.

Somehow in my bones, I feel it is quite the opposite. For me, it’s a year that from this distance, appears circular and complete. By the end of 2012, I’ll have a ten year old, I will be married, and hopefully all this crazy hopeful energy I’ve been pushing into the universe will come to fruition.

(No, I don’t want to have another baby; because that is gross.)

I officiated a wedding a few years back and part of the ceremony read, “This is the point in the ceremony when we usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, having no beginning and no end. But we all now that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the Earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees. Hot metal is poured into a mold, cooled, and then painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements. Love is like that. It’s hot, dirty work. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It is the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.”

I’ve always liked that statement because love is like that. LIFE is like that. Every day we should be making something wonderful, even when it’s rough around the edges.

Change the things you are unhappy with. No one else is going to do it for you.

Appreciate what you do have. It could change at any second.

Work hard for anything you want and don’t stop until it is yours.

Eat good food and surround yourself with the best people.

Those are my wishes for each and every one of you, and the people you love.

The Happiest of New Years! Cheers!

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Holiday Magic

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I’ve been a mother for nearly 10 years – almost a decade of making magic happen before my daughter’s very eyes. I remember when she was three, my father standing in the snow outside of her bedroom window shaking bells to let her know Santa was coming.

For some reason, my daughter’s belief in Santa Claus was very important to me. In this crazy world there was something about giving Alora magic in her life that soothed my soul.

This year Alora has officially become aware that Santa is not exactly who she always thought he was. Well, he certainly saw her when she was sleeping (and checked on her 27 times a night) and knew when she was awake (because she demanded a fried egg with her bagel), white beard or not.

While I was momentarily crushed, she wrapped her arms around me and reminded me that “the magic still happened, no matter who created it.”

Yeah, that’s right – I’m a Christmas bad-ass and I don’t care who knows it. So today I bequeath unto you my tips for being super awesome during the holiday season. One is a generic parenting tip while the others are my ideas for keeping Santa’s awesomeness around as long as possible. I promise you all of these have been done by me at some point. Whatever.

  1. Before wrapping children’s gifts, remove the items from as much packaging and twisty ties as possible while still retaining the integrity. Put batteries in it if necessary, then wrap. You know that screaming and frustrated child who wants to play NOW? Boom.
  2. If you have a Nintendo Wii, make a ‘mii’ that is as close to Santa as possible. Make sure he plays a few games and that you leave the Wii on to be discovered in the morning. Even Santa needs some down time during that long trip.
  3. Get in cahoots with someone and change your names to ‘Santa’ in your cell phone. Change the photo too if one is associated with that number. Oh, it’s after dinner and Santa sent you a text asking if your child has fed his hamster and finished their homework? This works particularly well with the reading age crowd. Elf on a Shelf? Pfffft. You’re welcome.
  4. Should your older child start to doubt Santa, laugh heartily and say “You think I’M getting out of bed in the middle of the night to give you presents? You’re funny.” This equals at least one more year of believing.
  5. If your child leaves carrots for the reindeer, gnaw that shit to death and scatter stubs around the room. Shove hay in the cracks of doors and complain about the mess they left in the morning.
  6. Have pets? Buy a white glove and leave it in their sleeping area. Santa took it off to give them a little pat and left it behind. Same goes with some cheap drugstore glasses left on a kitchen table. Evidence is King.

Most importantly – if your child no longer lives to make Ol’ Saint Nick happy, make sure they know the number one rule of being trusted with that information is that no matter how old or how young, you can’t tell anyone else or confirm their suspicions.

At the end of the day, red suit and beard or not, Santa IS real. Just like Alora said, the magic happens regardless.

Do you have any tips?

 

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After-Hours Tortellini with Smoked Sausage and Vegetables in a Spicy Cream Sauce by Joshua

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As strange as it may sound to some, I consider myself to be pretty lucky. I’ve been blessed with two tremendous love stories (and a handful of rather unimpressive attempts) in my short lifetime.

There is a beautiful future in front of me with Michael, who I have the honor of marrying next November. But that does not  mean I can’t look behind with reflection and gratitude for the first man I married. The end of this month marks another year since he passed away – and it is no different than any other year thus far without him; it tough, strange, and always changing.

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year and at the same time, it is now a reminder of those days when everything was so raw. The time of year we both loved has been changed forever.

Joshua had eyes the color of chestnuts. They were soulful and said more than any words that fell from his mouth. We shared many laughs. We had many fights. We loved with an intensity that was often misconstrued to the outside world. It was light and it was dark. It was love.

He worked hard in a restaurant kitchen and at the end of each shift, all of the cooks were allowed to make their own meals to take home. Sometimes they took advantage of the opportunity and made the largest steak in the house or lump crab cakes. But most of the time, Joshua’s meals were bowls of tortellini tossed with a spicy cream sauce, vegetables, and sausage.

He’d sit in the brown corduroy chair, completely exhausted, and eat what was usually the only meal he’d had all day.

It is a meal that is quick yet rich, and reminds me of late nights and conversations with a man who I loved deeply and who drove me absolutely crazy. I am proud to have been his wife and the mother of his child.

We can all be honest that this dish is not fancy or gourmet in any way. However it was born from the brain and made by the strong hands of a damn good man. Cheers to that.

Joshua’s After-Hours Tortellini

  •  1 teaspoon grapeseed oil
  • 1 cup thinly sliced red pepper
  • 1 cup thinly sliced red onion
  • 1/2 lb. thinly sliced kielbasa or smoked sausage
  • 1 clove of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup dry white wine or chicken broth
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 – 2 teaspoons sriracha sauce, depending on taste
  • 1 big fist full of baby spinach, chopped roughly
  • 1/2 cup diced tomato
  • 1 cup tortellini, cooked according to package directions
  • salt and pepper

Preheat a large skillet over medium high heat. Drizzle in the oil, and when hot add in the peppers and onions. Stir to coat with oil and continue to cook, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes. Lightly season with salt and pepper. Add in the sausage, mixing to combine, and cook for another 7 minutes.

Add in the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Stir in the wine, and cook, stirring occasionally until the alcohol is evaporated, about 3 minutes.

Reduce the heat to medium, stir in the cream and sriracha sauce and cook until the sauce starts to thicken a little bit, about 3 minutes. Taste and season with salt and pepper.

Stir in the spinach and tomatoes and cook for 2 minutes allowing the spinach to lightly wilt. Add in the cooked tortellini and cook for a minute or two to warm them through.

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It is Only My Daughter Who…

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…can make her miserable experience with a second sinus infection, in two months, adorable.

…easily downs multiple hot wings, but finds a lot of marinara sauces too spicy.

…makes a Christmas wish list with things like a microscope, make-up, and a gun.

…can’t get out of bed for school but is the first one up on the weekends.

…thinks the idea of a good time is cuddling up and watching Gordon Ramsay cook or flipping through a cookbook.

…gets angry when I say she needs to rest instead of carving wood.

…can change the entire outcome of a day with a laugh or a hug.

…asks if the next time I make French Onion Soup I use less onions.

…loves openly with honesty and a twinge of humor.

…is funnier than most adults I know.

…is worth losing sleep for.

…makes it very tangible to me, that everything in this crazy world, really does happen for a reason.

 



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Remember to Breathe

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Everyday is filled to the brim.

We as people tend to rush around without thinking, always moving down the ever-growing list of errands.

It is easy to lose the details.

Look at the people around you and drink them in.
Trace the features of their faces and memorize the curves of their skin.
Remember so that you will never worry that you have forgotten.

Take a moment to look deeply at where you’re standing.
Create memories out of simplicity.
Carve a treasured existence with the people you love, with laughter.

Put off the everything that needs to be done. Because it doesn’t.
Take a walk with the spirits who make your life.
An effortless prescription for happiness.

Remember to breathe.

——————————————————————

Yesterday we did exactly that. The only plans we made were to be with each other.

At the farmers market, Alora fell in love with a raspberry and habanero jam – never ceasing to surprise me. The three of us played in a spice store where I scooped up sweet onion sugar and green bamboo rice, not sure in the slightest what I was going to do with them.

We ate the most marvelous sandwiches, made by the same woman who made them for me when I was my daughter’s age. Every bite was enjoyed by the water and not a crumb was left behind.

The drive back was miserable but I didn’t care. Yesterday, we existed together in this quiet yet electric space.

Every day should be like that, and it is my wish for you that whatever it means for you to “just be,” you do it often and at the greatest capacity.

 


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A Fund for Jennie

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You may have seen my post, or more likely, one of the many thousands of posts about Jennifer Perillo, the sudden loss of her husband, Mikey and Peanut Butter pies.

It was a beautiful thing to watch unfold online last week during a time of sadness. A community of people, and not just bloggers, virtually gathering all the love they had in their heart, making Peanut Butter Pies and sending words out to the universe, hoping they found their way to the people who needed them the most. As I read the posts, I laughed, I cried and I wanted to pretty much hug the entire planet.

Now, the site Bloggers Without Borders (founded by Maggy, Erika, and Aimee) are hosting A Fund for Jennie to help ease the financial burden of suddenly going from two incomes to one, with two small children. Bills, food, insurance – as we all know, it adds up and does so quickly. The project was created by Shauna (Gluten-Free Girl) to help her dear friend. More light in darkness…….

You can donate any amount or keep your eyes peeled for the auctions going on via individual blogs. Do it. Because I said so. As cliche as the term has become, it is true: Any amount helps.

Normally, I try to keep the majority of the details of my private life…private – but this situation speaks to me, unfortunately. I want anyone who is reading this to know why I care so much. A beautiful soul lost her husband and two young girls lost their father. Instantly. No time for making plans.

Ten years ago, I was 18 and working in a coffee shop and living in the basement of my best friend’s house.

On July 20th of that year my best friend and I decided to have a very mature social gathering of friends  teenage house party. Somehow in preparing for everyone to arrive I was told that a person of the male persuasion that I admired from afar was coming.

To make a long story short, he came to the party. That ‘admired from afar’ became ‘admired from really close’ in a matter of minutes. At some point there was a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine involved (because when you’re underage, you have to keep it classy. Hi Mom!).

Awkward Teenage Photos!

 

At some point everyone had left for the most part and I didn’t want to be alone in the house – so he invited me over to sleep at his house.

I did. I more than did….I moved in with him that night. Seriously.

Then we had a baby.
Then we got married.

When he was 25, he suddenly passed away. Like that.

One day everything was our brand of normal, then in a blink he was gone for absolutely no reason.

We had to find a new normal and it was hard. Actually, let me rephrase that, it was the most defining, and to this day it continues to be the most difficult thing I’ve had to do, not just for myself but also for our daughter. He may not be here, but Alora will know her father – through stories, music, pictures…and some funny anecdotes as she gets older.

Moving forward does not mean we have forgotten. Smiling and laughing does not mean we do not grieve. Although sometimes it feels as though time has stood still, it has not.

So now that I’ve flashed you a little bit of my heart, go hug someone that you love more than cheese and chocolate. Then truly think about donating to Jennie and her beautiful girls. And when you do donate – know that I’m eHugging you for making a difference in the lives of the Perillo family, in a time where it seems like ugliness will never end.
Donate to Bloggers Without Borders

 

Yours truly -

Adryon

PS. Thank you for reading the ramblings of an insane woman. I heart you.

 




 

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My Pie for Mikey

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You’ll have to excuse me if none of this makes sense. My brain is  a little fuzzy right now as I try to put this into words.

I don’t bake. Or make anything desert-like. I just can’t – it’s too precise and to be honest, requires too much effort for someone as easily distracted as myself.

However last night, I made a pie. A pie for Mikey, the husband of the wonderful writer and food blogger, Jennifer Perillo, who unexpectedly passed away of a heart attack.

Somehow she was able to put together this beautiful post  for her husband and requested that for all of us who wanted to do something to assist in her healing, to make a peanut butter pie. His favorite.

How could we not? Peanut Butter Pie it is! And not just food bloggers, but people all over the world are making a pie for Mikey.

We’re all communicating with our hands and our hearts. A simple gesture that is making a difference. This moment is so inspiring, that I can barely find the words for it – this community of some of the most treasured souls I know.

I cried while I made the pie…hell, I’m crying now. If you have the chance today, make one too. Share it with someone you love. Tell them how much you love them.

Make a phone call to someone you’ve been meaning to call. Smile at people. Hug your kids until they’re annoyed.  Pay attention to the details.

Jennifer, you and your girls are in my thoughts with love and light.

———

Creamy Peanut Butter Pie (Recipe from Jennifer Perillo)

Serves 10 to 12

  • 8 ounces chocolate cookies
  • 4 tablespoons butter, melted
  • 4 ounces finely chopped chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips
  • 1/4 cup chopped peanuts
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 8 ounces cream cheese
  • 1 cup creamy-style peanut butter
  • 1 cup confectioner’s sugar
  • 1 – 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

Directions:

Add the cookies to the bowl of a food processor and pulse into fine crumbs.  Combine melted butter and cookie crumbs in a small bowl, and stir with a fork to mix well.  Press mixture into the bottom and 1-inch up the sides of a 9-inch springform pan.

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or in the microwave.  Pour over bottom of cookie crust and spread to the edges using an off-set spatula.  Sprinkle chopped peanuts over the melted chocolate. Place pan in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.

Pour the heavy cream into a bowl and beat using a stand mixer or hand mixer until stiff peaks form.  Transfer to a small bowl and store in refrigerator until ready to use.  Place the cream cheese and peanut butter in a deep bowl.  Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy.  Reduce speed to low and gradually beat in the confectioner’s sugar.  Add the sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract and lemon juice. Increase speed to medium and beat until all the ingredients are combined and filling is smooth.

Stir in 1/3 of the whipped cream into the filling mixture (helps lighten the batter, making it easier to fold in the remaining whipped cream).  Fold in the remaining whipped cream.  Pour the filling into the prepared springform pan.  Drizzle the melted chocolate on top, if using, and refrigerate for three hours or overnight before serving.



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Big Summer Potluck 2011

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I attended the second Big Summer Potluck in Pennsylvania this weekend hosted by Erika and Maggy. What was a fleeting ticket purchase made at the suggestion of someone I respect, just may have saved my life. Dramatic? Absolutely. Am I being honest? 100%

It will honestly take me weeks to truly process what we all experienced together at Linden Gardens and the Anderson home.

Pictures and posts from computers became flesh, became embraces, became conversations. Friendships became deeper. New connections were made.

For me, something larger happened in that barn. The breeze ran through me as I openly listened to the words of people I admire. Both Penny and Shauna brought me to a place of lightness.  I wasn’t just hearing what they had to say, I felt it. There was a surge in my bones, my blood, and in every cell of my body. My brain shifted and suddenly I was exactly what I’m not very good at being – vulnerable.

Hearing Shauna speak about being in the moment was a smack in my heart. I have been hiding from myself – because the person that I am is capable of scaring me to the core. I tuck my ‘mess’ away because I feel I have to. But Shauna reached in with a gentle whisper from a microphone and ripped me out from the guard that is normally up.

Emotionally naked in the middle of a barn, I wept.

I will not be running anymore from life. I will not be missing any moment. I will feel and experience every emotion I’ve been afraid to contend with. I have to get better – for me, for my daughter, for the new life I created with Michael. I will say yes to life more than I will say no.

Because of Penny (who, if  you ever have the chance to meet, run there)  I want to capture every feeling, every moment of this crazy life with a camera – and even if one is not available, I want to make those pictures in my head and keep them there for all eternity. She was brilliant and gracious when I stood before her with tears in my eyes and embarassed myself to a level I wasn’t aware I was capable of.

I need to heal so that I feel whole again. I need to take care of myself so that I can do all of those things unburdened. Sometimes you forget that there is beauty in everything, even the greatest of ugliness….you just have to find it.

This revelation happened just like that – pouring itself into me like sunshine. Warmth. A big hug from the words of friends from all over this world. Friends.

As I said in the moment, I’m in love with being alive again.

Thank you to everyone who was there. The words of gratitude that could possibly put the experience into words have not been created yet by anyone. However I think a good 8 second hug would be a lovely start and I’m sending you all one right now.

Exhale.

 


 

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Nine

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On the fourth of July of 2002, I waddled with purpose at my parent’s house. My due date was July 9th so I was coasting along in my pregnancy nonchalantly.  Joshua was at work and I passed the time stuffing my face with my father’s infamous burgers and barbecue chicken.

It was family myth that my mother went into labor with me after eating barbecue chicken – so I ate it in jest.

When I was back in my bathroom-stall-sized apartment alone, I noticed I was having some stomach cramps. They hurt  but they came and went with ease so I thought I’d be okay. As I laid across my bed I started to time the cramps and after a few minutes I knew they were contractions. They were manageable and I scoffed at all the books and movies I’d seen that said I would be rendered helpless.

It wasn’t long before I was in immense and horrible pain. I did what every  mature and independent woman does in her time of need….I called my mother.

After a check at the local county hospital confirming my labor, I was sent to my official hospital to birth my calve child.

For 27 hours, I paced hallways, passed plugs, endured poking, cervix checks and waited patiently for her arrival. At the end of those 27 hours Alora was born and life has never been the same.

My 9 lb. 7 0z. child that was the size of a three month old; perfect and pink with her eyes wide open. A perfect Apgar score – twice.

For nine years now I’ve been so lucky that I’ve always wondered if I might start to pee four leaf clovers. My daughter has single-handedly saved me from the woman I think I would have been without her.

She is nine years old today.


At 7:13 pm tonight I will do what I have done every year since she’s been born; I will hold her and weep with gratitude that this universe gave me the world’s most inquisitive, thoughtful, emotive, generous, and hilarious child.  I do not know what I’ve done to deserve her.

Happy Birthday, Alora!

Everything that you are, and everything that you will be….I am proud of.

I love you.


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