Category Archives: About Me

A Fund for Jennie

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You may have seen my post, or more likely, one of the many thousands of posts about Jennifer Perillo, the sudden loss of her husband, Mikey and Peanut Butter pies.

It was a beautiful thing to watch unfold online last week during a time of sadness. A community of people, and not just bloggers, virtually gathering all the love they had in their heart, making Peanut Butter Pies and sending words out to the universe, hoping they found their way to the people who needed them the most. As I read the posts, I laughed, I cried and I wanted to pretty much hug the entire planet.

Now, the site Bloggers Without Borders (founded by Maggy, Erika, and Aimee) are hosting A Fund for Jennie to help ease the financial burden of suddenly going from two incomes to one, with two small children. Bills, food, insurance – as we all know, it adds up and does so quickly. The project was created by Shauna (Gluten-Free Girl) to help her dear friend. More light in darkness…….

You can donate any amount or keep your eyes peeled for the auctions going on via individual blogs. Do it. Because I said so. As cliche as the term has become, it is true: Any amount helps.

Normally, I try to keep the majority of the details of my private life…private – but this situation speaks to me, unfortunately. I want anyone who is reading this to know why I care so much. A beautiful soul lost her husband and two young girls lost their father. Instantly. No time for making plans.

Ten years ago, I was 18 and working in a coffee shop and living in the basement of my best friend’s house.

On July 20th of that year my best friend and I decided to have a very mature social gathering of friends  teenage house party. Somehow in preparing for everyone to arrive I was told that a person of the male persuasion that I admired from afar was coming.

To make a long story short, he came to the party. That ‘admired from afar’ became ‘admired from really close’ in a matter of minutes. At some point there was a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine involved (because when you’re underage, you have to keep it classy. Hi Mom!).

Awkward Teenage Photos!

 

At some point everyone had left for the most part and I didn’t want to be alone in the house – so he invited me over to sleep at his house.

I did. I more than did….I moved in with him that night. Seriously.

Then we had a baby.
Then we got married.

When he was 25, he suddenly passed away. Like that.

One day everything was our brand of normal, then in a blink he was gone for absolutely no reason.

We had to find a new normal and it was hard. Actually, let me rephrase that, it was the most defining, and to this day it continues to be the most difficult thing I’ve had to do, not just for myself but also for our daughter. He may not be here, but Alora will know her father – through stories, music, pictures…and some funny anecdotes as she gets older.

Moving forward does not mean we have forgotten. Smiling and laughing does not mean we do not grieve. Although sometimes it feels as though time has stood still, it has not.

So now that I’ve flashed you a little bit of my heart, go hug someone that you love more than cheese and chocolate. Then truly think about donating to Jennie and her beautiful girls. And when you do donate – know that I’m eHugging you for making a difference in the lives of the Perillo family, in a time where it seems like ugliness will never end.
Donate to Bloggers Without Borders

 

Yours truly -

Adryon

PS. Thank you for reading the ramblings of an insane woman. I heart you.

 




 

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Big Summer Potluck 2011

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I attended the second Big Summer Potluck in Pennsylvania this weekend hosted by Erika and Maggy. What was a fleeting ticket purchase made at the suggestion of someone I respect, just may have saved my life. Dramatic? Absolutely. Am I being honest? 100%

It will honestly take me weeks to truly process what we all experienced together at Linden Gardens and the Anderson home.

Pictures and posts from computers became flesh, became embraces, became conversations. Friendships became deeper. New connections were made.

For me, something larger happened in that barn. The breeze ran through me as I openly listened to the words of people I admire. Both Penny and Shauna brought me to a place of lightness.  I wasn’t just hearing what they had to say, I felt it. There was a surge in my bones, my blood, and in every cell of my body. My brain shifted and suddenly I was exactly what I’m not very good at being – vulnerable.

Hearing Shauna speak about being in the moment was a smack in my heart. I have been hiding from myself – because the person that I am is capable of scaring me to the core. I tuck my ‘mess’ away because I feel I have to. But Shauna reached in with a gentle whisper from a microphone and ripped me out from the guard that is normally up.

Emotionally naked in the middle of a barn, I wept.

I will not be running anymore from life. I will not be missing any moment. I will feel and experience every emotion I’ve been afraid to contend with. I have to get better – for me, for my daughter, for the new life I created with Michael. I will say yes to life more than I will say no.

Because of Penny (who, if  you ever have the chance to meet, run there)  I want to capture every feeling, every moment of this crazy life with a camera – and even if one is not available, I want to make those pictures in my head and keep them there for all eternity. She was brilliant and gracious when I stood before her with tears in my eyes and embarassed myself to a level I wasn’t aware I was capable of.

I need to heal so that I feel whole again. I need to take care of myself so that I can do all of those things unburdened. Sometimes you forget that there is beauty in everything, even the greatest of ugliness….you just have to find it.

This revelation happened just like that – pouring itself into me like sunshine. Warmth. A big hug from the words of friends from all over this world. Friends.

As I said in the moment, I’m in love with being alive again.

Thank you to everyone who was there. The words of gratitude that could possibly put the experience into words have not been created yet by anyone. However I think a good 8 second hug would be a lovely start and I’m sending you all one right now.

Exhale.

 


 

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5 Things About Me You (Probably) Didn’t (Want To) Know

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Starting a few days ago, I gained a small amount of followers on Twitter thanks to the BlogHerFood 2011 Pity Party. While I am thankful, humbled and taken aback from the experience – I thought it only be fair that everyone know a few things about me.

Full disclosure and all that nonsense.

1. I’m a bottle blond. If you could take the brain space  that is filled with rap songs about butts and other inappropriate lyrics out of my head and replaced it with true knowledge, the world would be terrorized by my genius. You would be ashamed to know me, especially if we meet in public where others can choose the songs that play.

2. Mike and I are married. Except we’re really not. Huh? Whatever.

On a late November night in 2009, we were having a discussion about how you can now do just about anything online. I scoffed and said “besides being able to get married.”

A quick Google search later and we were happily eWed via the internet and after almost two years of completely non-existent wedded bliss, I am now happy to share our secret.

3. I used to be obsessed with Chinese literature and movies. I blame my sister for telling me I was actually left on the doorstep of my parent’s house by my ‘biological Chinese mother’. In her story, my mother and father were so ashamed of my Asian culture, they gave me plastic surgery to make me a blonde white girl.

I spent years trying to rediscover my “real heritage.”

4. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to name my daughter Ariel Star. I’m sure that would have been a great choice if I desired my first and only born to be a pole dancer.

5. We don’t have cable in our house. When we made the move from Baltimore City to the suburbs, we wanted Alora to know the simple pleasure of knocking on a neighbor’s door and asking if their kids could play, rather  than watch 42 episodes of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody indoors.

We do however, have Netflix thru Wii and I fill my cable desires with reruns of Law and Order: SVU and episodes of My So-Called Life when no one is looking.

Christopher Meloni is hot, and he may be 50 years old, but I wouldn’t kick him outta bed for any reason.
Sincerely Yours,
Adryon

 

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Letter to 13 Year Old Me

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My 28th birthday is Thursday which makes me very happy. I’m a fan of birthdays and I am generally not afraid of getting older or admitting my age. I’ve earned every wrinkle, every stretch mark, every bag under my eyes. Not that I’m happy they’re taking over – but I’ve earned ‘em.

I write letters to my daughter in case I’m not always around to dispense my brand of motherly advice. So in celebration of my birthday, I decided to write my 13 year old self a letter. It ended up being reflective of things that have happened since I was a teenager. I’m almost 30 for pete’s sake! I have to start writing this stuff down!

Happy (almost) Birthday to Me!!

Dear 13 Year Old Adryon:

I thought about writing this letter to “2 year old you” when you looked like this:

but you would probably be too busy eating Fruity Pebbles to listen. But at 13, you’re finally figuring out a little bit about yourself. You’re using a false confidence to mask teenage insecurity and soon enough, it’s going to get you in trouble. Knock it off.

The first year of high school is going to change everything. The older boy you had a crush on when you were 11 is going to be in the English class across from you and when you see him for the first time in years, you are ruined. Ya know, in the 14 year old way. He will be what you think is your first love, and what was definitely your first heart break. It will be an ache you are convinced is exactly like My So-Called Life.

Upon reflection of this scenario as an adult, you will smack yourself for how embarrassing you were as a girlfriend and wish you could send that boy, now a married man, a message and apologize for being so weird. You will learn from this relationship that you should not be reading Cosmo when you’re 14.

However, it is this same year you meet your best friend, and that pretty much makes up for all of that nonsense. Keep an eye out for her – she’s the girl who makes fun of you in the hallway. One day in a bathroom, all of that will change.

During the ages of 15-17, you are a hot mess. You do not need those piercings you want, those guys in their 20′s have no business dating you, and for the love of all that is good, do notstart wearing those kerchiefs on your head. You’re going to do all those things anyway and the only good that comes from any of it are photos you can laugh uncomfortably at.

Being obstinate as you are, you will decide to move out of your parent’s house and into your best friend’s the second you graduate high school. You will swear off boys and decide you’re going to take a year off before going to college – to “live life”, i.e. work in a coffee shop. You will think you’re free and in control for the first time in your life. You are a dumbass for thinking this.  

Now, 13 year old me in your ruby red vinyl Airwalks, I don’t want to ruin too much for you after this point because it is where life gets really crazy. Everything you plan will not happen and everything you never thought would happen, does. It will happen so fast that one day you’ll wake up two days from turning 28, but still convinced you’re 18 at times…but I will tell you this:

  • You are going to fall madly in love.
  • You are going to get pregnant (Yeah, I know! You have a kid! Gross, huh?) and get married.
  • You will laugh and love a whole lot – and shockingly keep that kid happy and healthy.
  • There will be times when things are not good.
  • About that guy you marry…as much as you love him…love him more and hold on tighter. Life is short sometimes. Pay attention.
  • The universe deems you lucky enough to fall madly in love again with someone who thinks that everything in this letter (and the details I left out) are a beautiful thing. He’s weird.

Everything else I won’t tell you because even if I did there really is no way to prepare you on how to handle it. It’s life and you better live it big, loud and at one hundred and fifty percent.

Oh, and start saving money so you actually have some when you’re older. If I could smack you for all the money you will spend in the 90′s I would, you frivilous bitch.

I love you – so start loving yourself now so it won’t be so hard when you’re my age.

xoxoxo

Love Always,
Me, er, You? Um, what?

PS. Yes, you will always be tired.


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What I Bought at the Liquor Store

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Really good liquor stores are not the easiest thing to come by in my part of Maryland. Sure, normal ones are everywhere – but the kind that sell things like ruby port, assortments of Belgian beers, specialty liquors and wines are far and few between.

Last night after a belly full of Indian food and a pit stop to Trader Joes, I ended up at one of the most beautiful, jaw-dropping spirit stores I’ve been in: The Perfect Pour.

Every time I’m in The Perfect Pour, my brain goes into overload and I want to buy every bottle of every liquid possible. Everything looks enticing and I yearn to find a use for every liquor and wine I see.

To all the ones I left behind, I’m sorry – I will come get you soon. To the ones I brought home, hi, I love you.

My Bounty:

Square One Organic Vodka: Botanical

I’ve been eyeing up this bad boy for a month or so and finally bought it. It’s infused with a blend of 8 organic botanicals – pear, rose, chamomile, lemon verbena, lavender, rosemary, coriander and citrus peel.

I don't lie to ya!

I have to be honest, it’s quite wonderful and different than other vodkas on the market. First the floral notes hit you and then the other flavors start coming alive and high-fiving at once.

Mama likes.

Edelster Aventinus

Distilled Beer! Beer Brandy! Call it what you want, but this is Adventus beer that has been boiled until not much is left but the alcohol and some of the flavors of the beer.

For full disclosure, I only bought this because Mike purposely pointed like an excited child in the store saying “They have it! Isn’t that awesome?” Then he walked away and unbeknownst to him, I schlepped a bottle to the front of the store and had them hide it for me to add to my order when it was time to leave. I’m full of surprises and an awesome girlfriend….

I did try it, and like others have said, it definitely has sticky mouth feel. The taste reminded me of beer and had a scent of witch hazel – which while that may not sound attractive, let it be said that my beer knowledge is zero to nil. Mike loves it and now calls it his “special occasion sip.”

Prosecco and Limoncello


Why? Because I like them. Honestly, that’s really the only reason. I like to mix them together. I like to cook with them and they make me  happy.

Have you tried anything new lately? What’s your favorite spirit to sip on or cook with?

It’s Saturday!

Adryon


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Get Your Hands Out of My Pants (I’m Not Dying!)

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The fun thing about having a mystery ailment is everyone wants to help diagnose you and subsequently scare the ever loving crap out of you. We’re all doctors when we care!

On Friday, I noticed my right foot was swollen to twice its normal size and found a golf ball sized lump under the skin of my leg. Since this wondrous discovery some suggestions I’ve heard:

  • a spider bite
  • a severe blood clot
  • “Oh my God, go to the Doctor right now”
  • pregnant (babies are so 2002, no way)
  • “You’re dying”

I finally got it checked out yesterday. Procrastination at it’s finest.

They unfairly made me get on a scale  that resembled something cows would be shuffled onto to get their weight. They used words like needles, diabetes and gout. They asked how frequently I use illegal street drugs. Was I 893% sure I wasn’t pregnant?

They took an x-ray and found nothing.

They ran blood work and found nothing besides humor in the fact that I flipped my shiz over needles as I removed my cardigan, revealing multiple tattoos.

They decided it would be best to send me to the Emergency Room for an ultrasound of my leg. I cried.

The Emergency Room patrons frightened me. If I wasn’t sick when I came in, I was for sure going to be when I left.

I tried bribing some of the staff into speeding along the waiting process. They weren’t amused and would not comply. Ethical jerks with good morals. Unacceptable.

In the ultrasound room I had to take off my leggings and I counted my thanks that I had shaved my legs.

“We’re going to scan your whole leg,” translates to “I’m going to suddenly stick my hand up your dress and inside your underwear” in case you were curious. Saying to the tech (who I think was 13) “I wasn’t aware that was part of my leg” did not elicit laughter, a giggle or even a smirk.

They found nothing in the ultra sound. They found nothing anywhere. I stumped them all and there’s no Dr. House roaming the halls of any hospital in this county.

At the end of the day in an effort to get me to shut up and leave they determined those two plane rides and a week on my feet did my foot in for the time being. I paid two co-pays to find out my foot is just fat and ugly.

So, I’m not dying and I got felt up…er, down. Winning!

How was your day?

Adryon



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Little Pieces

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I’ve had some thoughts about my own mortality recently. It sort of came along with the territory of leaving my family for a week – I’ve always been one for the over dramatics. Why don’t you look shocked?

My daughter has already lost one parent and the thought it could happen to me at any moment sometimes shakes me up. I am human after all, contrary to other things you may have heard.

Now that she’s getting older, she’ll retain more memories of who I am as years go by. Not just the good things; but the bad ones too.

What she remembers about her father is simple, beautiful and pure. She remembers walking with him to get ice cream. The details of his face are still very clear to her. She remembers that he was kind, funny, and gentle. She knows that every inch of her is identical to him.

See?

If something happened to me today, what would she remember about me? That I always nagged her to put her clothes away? That I could make the biggest kitchen mess in the smallest amount of time?

Would she remember the funny lunches I pack her, the songs I sing her in the morning, or the countless snuggle and giggle fests we have?  Or would I be the mom that had migranes, could never remember anything and lectured too much?

Would she know anything about me as Adryon and not just Mom? What memories would I truly leave behind for her that aren’t in photographs?

What would you?



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Leaving on a Jet Plane

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If you should only need to know a few random and unimportant facts about me, let this be them:

  • I’ve never eaten sauerkraut and yet I hate it more than can possibly be put into words.
  • I can have my daughter pee on me or barf in my hands, but it’s really hard for me to look down her throat when it’s sore.
  • I can cook with beer, but I think when you drink it, it tastes like funky bread. As much as it pains the beer snob in my life – I just can’t do it.
  • I absolutely, with the heat and fire of a thousand suns, hate flying. I only do it once a year, so it’s always this foreign situation where I feel out of place, unsure of what to do.

This week is that time of year. In a few days I am to board the ol’ metal bird and entrust my safety to people I’ve never met and heading to San Antonio, Texas. I leave behind my squishy life in Maryland and the people I love.

This is my fourth year doing this meeting – and I still get nervous. It’s a lot of hard work that we do and every single year, I’ve lost my ever loving mind by the end of it. Proof?

Orlando 2008: My first time traveling for work, and riddled with working-mom’s guilt, I dropped $200 in souviners for the kid, including pink glitter tennis shoes. She could have cared less.
San Diego, 2009: My best friend flew out with me. We got a little tipsy and got tattoos for each other. Funny thing is we researched the “best shop in town” only to find neither of our tattoos healed nicely. Jerks.  (PS. San Diego, I love you. Seriously, your city rocked my world!)
Orlando, 2010: In sheer frustration after a long day, I jumped into the hotel’s swimming pool at midnight in my pajamas…except I didn’t realize it was the lazy river portion of the pool until I was whisked away by the current and couldn’t get out.
San Antonio, 2011: To be Determined :)

So on Monday, when you’re waking up and making your morning cup of coffee – throw a little positive energy into the skies for me. If you need to direct it towards something, I’m the blond girl in the airport bawling my eyes out cradling a bottle of alcohol.

xoxoxo
Adryon




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Tale of a Tattoo: Allium Sativum Edition

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Tattoos are a funny thing, aren’t they? Some love ‘em, some hate ‘em, some appreciate the art but wouldn’t ever get one. The people who have them? Some only get tattoos with a deep personal meaning. Others get things just to get them and some get things because they’re amusing.

My mother keeps reminding me to stop getting more but my take on it is that I have one body – one time to live this kooky life. And yeah, one day the cupcake on my leg will look like a sheet cake or the trail of stars on my back will resemble a planetarium. But at least one day there’s going to be a nurse who’s going to have to sponge bathe me, that is going to have a laugh.

I knew a girl who uses and loves garlic to the end of the Earth and one day she was tossing around tattoo ideas.  Ha! Wouldn’t it be funny to get a garlic tattoo? Most importantly, she wanted the entire garlic (allium sativum) plant, flowers and all. Sure, weirdo.

Garlic is a symbol of strength and of protection against negativity. Ancient lore says Egyptians fed the builders of the pyramids garlic to keep them healthy enough to keep working. The flowers of the plant are a beautiful shade of pinkish purple – the stalk, stronger than expected.

It kind of made sense.

Her tattoo artist didn’t even blink when she told him the idea. He got to work and created artwork for her, ensuring that her idea would be translated properly.

That girl? She’s me – and I rock the outline and need to go back for color. I love what Gswizzle has done but I can’t wait for him to add the pieces of the puzzle. He’s got shades of green and purple that I can’t imagine waiting for me.

Is it silly to have a garlic tattoo; yes. Do I regret it?

Not at all.

And I never will.



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How Adryon Got Her Groove Back

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I had the wind taken out of my sails yesterday. I was breezing along in the middle of my day and oooof I got smacked in the face by life – which after the past few years, I’ve become quite accustomed to. *inserts the worlds tiniest violin*

I took the time to wallow in self-pity (yeah, I called my mom, yougotsomethingtosayaboutit?) and then a brief thought became a spark – and the spark became a fire. Something inside me lit up and I can not explain how much I needed that kick in the keister.

I’ve sort of been coasting – losing focus on passions and rather, just existing and making the motions until it was time for sleep. Everything was starting to feel scheduled, and lacking in spontaneity.

Things are about to get real. They’re going to shift…and it’s going to be beautiful.

Love!




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