Category Archives: Ramblings

My Daughter, the Ten Year Old

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“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!”

Amen.

When you’re pregnant, they tell you all about babies – how you’ll be perpetually exhausted and your breasts drained from the constant whimpers of your child. Even commercials remind you, that yes, a baby changes everything.

They never remind you or allude to the fact that this tiny being not only needs your care and nurturing – but guidance to become a good human being. The little pamphlet they hand you post-partum in the recovery room of your birthing center doesn’t prepare you for this future person…just the tiny babe that precedes them.

Ten years. A decade. My little baby, born just the other day, turns 10 years old today. In my head, I never truly and wholly imagined what this day would be like. And if I had, I’m sure what life is now, looks nothing like what I ever could have predicted.

Alora is the definition of what parents aspire to raise. Thoughtful, introspective, hilarious, caring, and any other positive adjectives one could think of. Does she have her…..moments? The kind where you want to pull your hair out and either want to cry or declare you’re probably the worst mother ever? Absolutely.

Alora’s birthday list was a mash of books, art, technology, science, and music. The choice for her birthday dinner is a French restaurant because once she saw the menu, she was totally in love. She’s hoping to meet the chef to get some pointers and I admire that about her.

Ten years. A decade. All eyes pointed to the future. As I put her to bed the last time as a nine year old, she gently pressed her forehead to mine and gripped my hands. She didn’t say a word but I knew exactly what she was saying.

This girl is full steam ahead to becoming a young woman and I think we’re ready.

Maybe.

Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl! I love you. More than any words in the dictionary.

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Don’t Blink

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They say it all the time.

Don’t blink. Enjoy every moment because one day you’ll wake up and your baby won’t be a baby anymore.

And here she is, my daughter, just born yesterday…about to turn 10. Almost as tall as me, thin and lanky (unlike me) with royal blue streaks in her hair. We have to shop in the Juniors Department for her because she is mostly limbs and has no desire to wear shirts with cartoons or cheesy sayings.

Alora is very much her father, and if he were alive, I don’t know how he’d be handling all of these changes in the little girl she was. I don’t know how he’d handle seeing all the similarities between the two of them now, both physically and mentally, because I sure as hell don’t keep it together a lot of the time.

There is beautiful mirroring: the soft brown of her eyes set beneath familiar brows. The shape of her feet and toes identical to ones I’ve seen before.

And there is some ugliness. Deep-seeded frustration after disappointment. Quick sarcasm to deflect questions. Unexplained sadness that comes in like waves. Deja vu.

Like most young ladies she can be two people: in one breath arguing valid points of contentment with my parenting and in her exhale curling up beside me in silence, only wanting to be held.

I love her so very much. Sometimes I’m so angry that I happened to blink.

 




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Mums the Word

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I am a woman made of superstition. If I were a sports fan, I’d be the person who doesn’t wash their team jersey for a season, or I might grow an obnoxious mustache. Anything to keep everything the same and the possibility open.

This time an opportunity presented itself and I didn’t dye my hair for three months, just in case. I waited. I stayed quiet and made myself available to the possibility of the answer. The noise of the lack of an answer has become overwhelming.

So in the most annoyingly vague way, that is the majority of the reason for my self-imposed hiatus. I’ve had photos, posts and recipes for a long time ready to share, but I felt it would break my peace or my chance at progression. I’m not very good at being quiet, so I’m done with all the nonsense.

Here’s a sneak peak at all the deliciousness I’ve been cooking up (with considerable help from Alora)!



Big Hugs!

 

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Keeping Your Kitchen Resolutions

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Well now look at you, hot pants! 2012 has been treating you just nicely. It must be all those vitamins you’re taking.

Besides the usual New Year banter, this was the first year I saw a lot of ‘I want to cook more’ or ‘I want to make better meals for my family’ type resolutions floating around my social media.

Like any resolution, after a few weeks it can seem really daunting to keep up a new lifestyle or part of your day. Since I have the strong belief that anyone can cook, I thought I’d throw out a few tips and pointers to make meals a little less scary after the shiny new paint of it all has worn off.

Start Simple and with the Basics

I always say that once you know a handful of techniques, you can cook pretty much anything. If you can make one soup, you can make any soup, barring a few complicated ones.

Learn a good dough recipe for pizzas, master a pasta sauce, or make a pot of your own chicken stock and see what happens from there!

Befriend a Slow Cooker

I love cooking when I’m home. It is relaxing for me after a long day at work. Food and cooking is how I think; it’s a part of my heart and obviously my skin. However, there is something really satisfying every once in awhile to come home to a crock pot full of something delicious. You walk in the door to a house full of the most intoxicating food-smells and all is right in the universe.

Next time you’re in a rut, crock pot.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind – So Keep it In Sight

A great way to have more vegetables and fruits involved in meals (and snack time) is to keep them visible. I keep vegetables in pretty bowls on my kitchen counter. In the fridge, things like carrots and celery are visible rather than buried deep in drawers. If it’s in your face it will be much more difficult to ignore.

Meal Plans

We’ve been doing meal plans for a long time now – and even as the time has gone by, we’ve been able to stream line the process it even further. I’m not at the level of color-coding the shopping list by department but we have a system that works pretty well for us. We don’t assign a meal for a specific day – but maybe that would work for your family – we’re just too picky and commitment phobic when it comes to food.

Our newest addition to meal planning is to double check what dry goods we have in the cabinets and base as many meals as possible around them. I’m the Queen of buying dry beans out of habit and coming home to realize we already have 6 other bags waiting for me in the pantry.

Make Your Kitchen Fun

The best meals I’ve ever made have happened to music. I believe in the concept of food being made with joy and love – and what inspires emotions more than music? Keep a radio or a dock for your dearest digital tune player in the kitchen and you’d be surprised how those swinging hips or karaoke session can turn into the most amazing food.

Mundane becomes fundane…nevermind, that didn’t work…but the process will be more enjoyable.

Cook While You Couch Potato

One of our favorite meals is steamed or baked pork dumplings, which the prep work for can be a little tedious, especially when you’re going at it alone. Once in a while though, all three of us set up a table in the living room, put on some Netflix and suddenly all the wrappers are stuffed and ready to cook in no time.

 A lot of prep work for tonight or tomorrow’s dinner can be done just vegging out watching that documentary you’ve been meaning to finish. When it comes to make that next meal, think of all the time you’ve shaved off all that dicing and slicing.

Whatever keeps you cooking!

 





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Happy New Year!!!!

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Alora keeps saying this new year is when the world will end.

Somehow in my bones, I feel it is quite the opposite. For me, it’s a year that from this distance, appears circular and complete. By the end of 2012, I’ll have a ten year old, I will be married, and hopefully all this crazy hopeful energy I’ve been pushing into the universe will come to fruition.

(No, I don’t want to have another baby; because that is gross.)

I officiated a wedding a few years back and part of the ceremony read, “This is the point in the ceremony when we usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, having no beginning and no end. But we all now that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the Earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees. Hot metal is poured into a mold, cooled, and then painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements. Love is like that. It’s hot, dirty work. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It is the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.”

I’ve always liked that statement because love is like that. LIFE is like that. Every day we should be making something wonderful, even when it’s rough around the edges.

Change the things you are unhappy with. No one else is going to do it for you.

Appreciate what you do have. It could change at any second.

Work hard for anything you want and don’t stop until it is yours.

Eat good food and surround yourself with the best people.

Those are my wishes for each and every one of you, and the people you love.

The Happiest of New Years! Cheers!

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Holiday Magic

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I’ve been a mother for nearly 10 years – almost a decade of making magic happen before my daughter’s very eyes. I remember when she was three, my father standing in the snow outside of her bedroom window shaking bells to let her know Santa was coming.

For some reason, my daughter’s belief in Santa Claus was very important to me. In this crazy world there was something about giving Alora magic in her life that soothed my soul.

This year Alora has officially become aware that Santa is not exactly who she always thought he was. Well, he certainly saw her when she was sleeping (and checked on her 27 times a night) and knew when she was awake (because she demanded a fried egg with her bagel), white beard or not.

While I was momentarily crushed, she wrapped her arms around me and reminded me that “the magic still happened, no matter who created it.”

Yeah, that’s right – I’m a Christmas bad-ass and I don’t care who knows it. So today I bequeath unto you my tips for being super awesome during the holiday season. One is a generic parenting tip while the others are my ideas for keeping Santa’s awesomeness around as long as possible. I promise you all of these have been done by me at some point. Whatever.

  1. Before wrapping children’s gifts, remove the items from as much packaging and twisty ties as possible while still retaining the integrity. Put batteries in it if necessary, then wrap. You know that screaming and frustrated child who wants to play NOW? Boom.
  2. If you have a Nintendo Wii, make a ‘mii’ that is as close to Santa as possible. Make sure he plays a few games and that you leave the Wii on to be discovered in the morning. Even Santa needs some down time during that long trip.
  3. Get in cahoots with someone and change your names to ‘Santa’ in your cell phone. Change the photo too if one is associated with that number. Oh, it’s after dinner and Santa sent you a text asking if your child has fed his hamster and finished their homework? This works particularly well with the reading age crowd. Elf on a Shelf? Pfffft. You’re welcome.
  4. Should your older child start to doubt Santa, laugh heartily and say “You think I’M getting out of bed in the middle of the night to give you presents? You’re funny.” This equals at least one more year of believing.
  5. If your child leaves carrots for the reindeer, gnaw that shit to death and scatter stubs around the room. Shove hay in the cracks of doors and complain about the mess they left in the morning.
  6. Have pets? Buy a white glove and leave it in their sleeping area. Santa took it off to give them a little pat and left it behind. Same goes with some cheap drugstore glasses left on a kitchen table. Evidence is King.

Most importantly – if your child no longer lives to make Ol’ Saint Nick happy, make sure they know the number one rule of being trusted with that information is that no matter how old or how young, you can’t tell anyone else or confirm their suspicions.

At the end of the day, red suit and beard or not, Santa IS real. Just like Alora said, the magic happens regardless.

Do you have any tips?

 

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Keeping it Real: School Lunches

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As a person completely immersed and obsessed with all things food – it can sometimes be difficult to talk to people about cooking. Hearing things like “It’s nothing like you’d make, but I made…” can be a little frustrating.

Believe me, not everything that comes out of my kitchen or into my belly is a thing of glory. Just ask gas-station nachos with “cheese” from a machine, or the only kind of beef jerky I will eat.   And don’t even think of asking my co-workers about the atrocious things I’ve eaten for breakfast.

Yes, I love all things clean, organic, seasonal and beautifully fresh - but I also have a soft spot for a slice of gnarly greasy pizza. I don’t eat it often at all, but when I do, it’s a little ugly and primal.

Admittedly there are nights I do go overboard in my ridiculousness and pack Alora something that is more like a production than a meal, but most days it’s just lunch. At the end of the day, I’m still a mom with a full time job, that comes home and generally makes dinner from scratch. Add in cleaning, quality time with my bearded fellow and other chores, and in no way am I in the creative mind frame to bang out an amazing lunch for my daughter.

Somewhere in me I’d like to think is a bento-box mom, but until she finds her way out of these puffy eyes and baskets of dirty socks, this is generally the kind of lunch you’ll find in Ms. Alora’s lunch bag at school.

I know – I just heard you gasp at the unmentionable amount of food there – and it is. However in my defense, it is not all eaten at lunch and this particular lunch was packed on a day during a growth spurt. Alora usually eats say, the brie and apple as her snack in the morning, then her lunch and perhaps the yogurt at afternoon snack.

But if you take the fact that my precious nine year old is over 5 feet tall and is as thin and muscular as an Olympian out of the equatio,n and just take a look at the basics  – I haven’t done anything crazy. Instead of bread, her ‘sandwich’ is on a tortilla. Fruits, vegetables, yogurt – nothing to write home about. Most nights it takes no more than 5 minutes and I’m ready to kick Mike’s ass at rummy or watch some nonsense streaming on Netflix.

So that is what I generally pack my kid for lunch, which also flip flops with lemon pasta and other strange meals. It is not fancy nor does it take any more time than it does to read a chapter in your favorite book.

Although after years of packing lunches, I have to know – what is your fail-proof kids lunch? I’ve run out of ideas.

Pretty boring, eh?

 




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After-Hours Tortellini with Smoked Sausage and Vegetables in a Spicy Cream Sauce by Joshua

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As strange as it may sound to some, I consider myself to be pretty lucky. I’ve been blessed with two tremendous love stories (and a handful of rather unimpressive attempts) in my short lifetime.

There is a beautiful future in front of me with Michael, who I have the honor of marrying next November. But that does not  mean I can’t look behind with reflection and gratitude for the first man I married. The end of this month marks another year since he passed away – and it is no different than any other year thus far without him; it tough, strange, and always changing.

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year and at the same time, it is now a reminder of those days when everything was so raw. The time of year we both loved has been changed forever.

Joshua had eyes the color of chestnuts. They were soulful and said more than any words that fell from his mouth. We shared many laughs. We had many fights. We loved with an intensity that was often misconstrued to the outside world. It was light and it was dark. It was love.

He worked hard in a restaurant kitchen and at the end of each shift, all of the cooks were allowed to make their own meals to take home. Sometimes they took advantage of the opportunity and made the largest steak in the house or lump crab cakes. But most of the time, Joshua’s meals were bowls of tortellini tossed with a spicy cream sauce, vegetables, and sausage.

He’d sit in the brown corduroy chair, completely exhausted, and eat what was usually the only meal he’d had all day.

It is a meal that is quick yet rich, and reminds me of late nights and conversations with a man who I loved deeply and who drove me absolutely crazy. I am proud to have been his wife and the mother of his child.

We can all be honest that this dish is not fancy or gourmet in any way. However it was born from the brain and made by the strong hands of a damn good man. Cheers to that.

Joshua’s After-Hours Tortellini

  •  1 teaspoon grapeseed oil
  • 1 cup thinly sliced red pepper
  • 1 cup thinly sliced red onion
  • 1/2 lb. thinly sliced kielbasa or smoked sausage
  • 1 clove of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup dry white wine or chicken broth
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 – 2 teaspoons sriracha sauce, depending on taste
  • 1 big fist full of baby spinach, chopped roughly
  • 1/2 cup diced tomato
  • 1 cup tortellini, cooked according to package directions
  • salt and pepper

Preheat a large skillet over medium high heat. Drizzle in the oil, and when hot add in the peppers and onions. Stir to coat with oil and continue to cook, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes. Lightly season with salt and pepper. Add in the sausage, mixing to combine, and cook for another 7 minutes.

Add in the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Stir in the wine, and cook, stirring occasionally until the alcohol is evaporated, about 3 minutes.

Reduce the heat to medium, stir in the cream and sriracha sauce and cook until the sauce starts to thicken a little bit, about 3 minutes. Taste and season with salt and pepper.

Stir in the spinach and tomatoes and cook for 2 minutes allowing the spinach to lightly wilt. Add in the cooked tortellini and cook for a minute or two to warm them through.

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It is Only My Daughter Who…

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…can make her miserable experience with a second sinus infection, in two months, adorable.

…easily downs multiple hot wings, but finds a lot of marinara sauces too spicy.

…makes a Christmas wish list with things like a microscope, make-up, and a gun.

…can’t get out of bed for school but is the first one up on the weekends.

…thinks the idea of a good time is cuddling up and watching Gordon Ramsay cook or flipping through a cookbook.

…gets angry when I say she needs to rest instead of carving wood.

…can change the entire outcome of a day with a laugh or a hug.

…asks if the next time I make French Onion Soup I use less onions.

…loves openly with honesty and a twinge of humor.

…is funnier than most adults I know.

…is worth losing sleep for.

…makes it very tangible to me, that everything in this crazy world, really does happen for a reason.

 



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On Scrambled Eggs

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On the internet, every recipe is ‘the best’ or ‘the most perfect’ version; from a brine for your Thanksgiving turkey to chocolate chip cookies.  There is a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to do just about anything and you can tell by reading the comments on any YouTube video that people have no problem expressing how they feel about a particular method.

With my daughter’s new obsession with Chef Gordon Ramsay, there has been a lot of video watching; between Netflix and YouTube, I feel I’ve seen him make every dish in the universe. In the process we stumbled upon a video of Chef Ramsay making scrambled eggs.  Scrambled eggs? How could he possibly make eggs any different than the rest of the world makes them?

Because of course, the way I learned was best, right?

So I watched as he made a pot of eggs with a technique that seemed quite different than what I’d been taught. From method to texture, it was all very different.

Rather than the on the heat, off the heat method Ramsay uses, I have always whipped my eggs with a whisk and poured them into a buttered pan and cooked the on very low heat, pulling the cooked curds to the center. It’s what my mom did and what I’ve seen many other people do over the course of my life.

His method intrigued me so much that I cooked a batch each way, and did a side by side taste test with Mike.

Gordon Ramsay’s eggs were soft and creamy – something I’d like paired with a crispy bacon and a big hunk of  toasted bread. I was surprised at how much I liked them, and how completely un-like mine they were.

My eggs suddenly tasted meatier than usual. They were sturdy and as always, were thick enough to pick up with the end of the fork. In comparison to Ramsay’s eggs, mine were more like a fluffy and broken omelette. I liked them, and wanted to pile them onto a bagel with lots of bright vegetables and a smear of cream cheese.

Who won? If you ask me, it was Mike who got to eat more eggs that day than a body builder. Which one tasted better? To be honest it was like saying which kid you like more…they’re equally as awesome but for different reasons.They each have strengths and weakness’ that help and hinder them.

How about you? How do you make scrambled eggs?

 

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